When things get rough, we tend to run. And that is what I did. I have run away from life, my kids, everything that brought me joy at one point. It can be hard being a parent, a spouse, a child, a friend, and still keep your sanity. But here are some things to help you get to where you need to be and to not feel as if you are alone in this.
What Is Really Going On Here?
Sometimes it can be anything, or it can be nothing at all. In my case, it has been a series of fucked up events over the course of eighteen months. Loss of life and love, loss of self, also a bit of feeling powerless in my own life. But it took another series of fucked up events for me to realize what was going on.
I, as some of you know, have been writing a book. And this book has not been easy for me at all. It is making me revisit events and trauma I chose not to process because to tell you the truth, I had and still have no idea how to do it in a healthy manner. But it has brought things up that have not been fair to anyone dealing with me on a daily basis.
I have been a very unhappy person and I have not been the mother I need to be. And that kills me. I have always put my children first and made sure they have been okay, but now I feel guilty for not being the mother I have always been.
What You Can Do
I have always thought “What will people think? What if I tell someone I have a problem?” It took me years to be able to realize, it does not matter what people think. If I have a problem and need help, I am going to speak up no matter what the outcome is. Because if I have a problem, and someone is judging, that is on them.
My mental well-being and the well-being of my children take priority over EVERYTHING and EVERYONE who has an opinion.
Get the help you, no matter the cost. May it be therapy of any kind, or rehab if you ended up down that road. Anything will always be better than sitting and doing nothing. Problems will always be there or catch up with you no matter how long or far you attempt to run. I learned that the hard way and have taught my children the same messed-up coping skills.
How Do You Make Changes?
Don’t think you have permanently damaged your children if you have followed in my footsteps because you have not. It will take time, but it can be fixed. I know the balancing act can be extremely hard, but if I can do it, so can you. You have to start right now. Take yourself to therapy, start spending more time with your children. You really must lead by example to correct the mistakes that have been made.
It also will not happen overnight. You didn’t make the mistakes overnight, right? Then do not expect them to correct overnight either.